Why bother defining and maintaining values?
There is a sad truth in life: your achievements will never satisfy you. A common theme among the responses of elderly people, when asked what they regret in life: it very rarely has anything to do with achieving more stuff.
Nevertheless, we try very hard to satisfy ourselves with a multitude of achievement and accolades. But there is a tragic and unavoidable disconnect between our expectations and our executions. Things change! Life gets in the way! Our plans + strategies are quickly out-of-date! We do not have control over the outcomes of our actions.
Acting on behalf of future outcomes is hopeless: no matter how hard we plan, strategise and commit, the results will always deviate from our expectations. It is simply impossible to control all of the myriad factors that influence our efforts.
But there is another goal we can pursue, a goal that is entirely within our control: personal values.
Personal values cannot be ‘achieved’, because a person cannot be ‘completed’. Therefore, the success of our actions are no longer tied to any defined outcome, subject to the merciless interference of the world. Rather, to succeed in maintaining personal values, all we must do is define the values that we honour above all others and uphold them in our day-to-day decisions: making choices that maintain our values, rather than surrendering to temptation and fear.
The outcome of our actions is insignificant, because, after all, it is out of our control: as long as we made decisions that aligned with our values, we have succeeded in maintaining them. What a relief! No need to plan; no need to hustle; no need to control the chaotic world around us.
When we decide to jog, or act kindly, or be courageous, or take the time to reach out to a friend… in these moments we manifest our values, bringing internal beliefs into the external world. When we feel lazy and stay in, or gossip, or shy away from obstacles, or forget to care for our friends… we instead demonstrate our inability to maintain values. All of these decisions are within our control right now, so success is always within reach – and there can be no excuses or blame for our shortcomings.
When we take actions that are aligned with our values, we do it not for the results it will deliver later, but for the person it makes us right now.
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If you do not define your values, then your value as a person is forever bound to the actions you perform and the results that they deliver. This is because, if your value does not come from within, then it must be found elsewhere, in the validation of others – something totally out of your control.
If you do define your values, then your value as a person is now within your control – it is defined by the actions that you take right now, and whether or not they are aligned. No matter what your income, productivity or popularity, you can always succeed in acting according to your values right now. This does not mean we will always succeed – acting according to upright values can be very difficult – but it brings the possibility of success into view, and most importantly under our control.
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Of course, true self-acceptance would not even depend on the possession of values…